Chemosabe Three…And Me!

I can’t say I’m in the most inspiring space and perhaps my writing will reflect the same, but as is normally the case with me, I’m determined to carry on regardless so I won’t apologize or throw myself a pity party in the corner of the room.

It is what it is and I’m still smiling.

Since my first surgery on the 18th of October last year to the second on the 12th of December to now, there is a slight monotony to my life that I have accepted and cooperated with because I understand that this phase of my life is ultimately about healing and in order to heal, you need to allow things to happen without trying to force an outcome. Otherwise you may miss some important steps in the healing process or even regress and cause your body a disharmony if you insist that it happens in your time. Acceptance is key!

I’ve no doubt that the viral infection set me back a little and the lack of sleep certainly made things more challenging in terms of fighting it off. One thing I’m hugely grateful for is that since I had my third chemo treatment all I’ve wanted to do is sleep and nothing has stood in my way. I have slept and slept and it has been glorious 🙂

I decided to be alone for my third treatment. Sivan and Sophie offered to come and sit with me, but I actually wasn’t feeling like I wanted the company at all. The day felt a little heavier, as it was the first time I would have chemo and the Herceptin injection together on the same day and because both have side effects, I suppose it’s normal to wonder how you’ll manage. I sat by the window in the Infusion Suite which has a lovely view, unpacked my iPad and a few other things I’d need and waited for the nurse to come around and start the usual routine. We began with the Herceptin injection. Good to get that out the way.

Things unfolded rather slowly from there, but I was already stuck into the movie I’d started watching on Netflix, so besides having to break away from that to wet my hair for the cold cap, I hardly looked up and didn’t even notice that the chemo had already started to drip into my system. Tea and a sandwich came around and I carried on watching ‘The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind’ which was recommended by Fortune, who works at the Costa Coffee at the hospital. He’s also from Zimbabwe and we have struck up a lovely friendship over the last few weeks. I sometimes go in for my decaf flat white with coconut milk after my treatment and we have a quick catch up.

The film is directed and written by Chiwetel Ejiofor and he also plays Trywell Kamkwamba. It’s based on a true story and is a film I’d highly recommend.

I was actually lucky enough to meet Chiwetel a few years ago when I was singing at a jazz club called Katzy’s. I was on a break and went for a walk to the hotel and bumped into a well known SA actor accompanied by Chiwetel. I’ve never forgotten his face. Anyway I digress.

If chemo and Herceptin happened that day, I was hardly aware of it. I was completely absorbed in other things. I was actually quite grateful to have recovered from the virus so I could jump back into the treatment and not delay it any further. I’m sure most patients feel like they just want to get on with it and not have any setbacks. I certainly feel that way! I packed up, thanked the nurses and then went to say hello to Fortune. I told him how much I appreciated his film recommendation and left with my decaf cappuccino (he’s been trying to convert me.)

So, Chemosabe Three, no trips to the A&E this weekend.  No extreme temperatures or long frustrating nights feeling out of sorts and worried about Sepsis. All that was on the menu for this weekend was hours and hours of long overdue sleep and deliciously good food, thanks to Jen and Jono’s wonderful cooking. I can’t thank them enough for their kindness!!

I feel like I’m in a very quiet, neutral space with no pressures or demands. It feels like I’m working through something important, but I’m not going to spend too much time thinking about it. Think I’ll just listen to the rain and go back to sleep…

14 thoughts on “Chemosabe Three…And Me!

  1. It is a fallacy that we always need to be busy and that if we rest we are being lazy. There are times in life when rest and sleep is everything we need. Thinking of you and wishing that sleep brings immaculate healing.

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  2. Love you my darling Tarry, this journey is so far away from me and I have never missed any of your journeys through your life. Hard for me, yes tearful, but your blogs keep me inspired to accept what is.

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  3. It’s the end of the day for me and I have no more patients…. I spend this time reading your latest blog. It’s quiet in my therapy room apart from the ‘new beginings’ Infusion bubbling in the background. Taryn as always, I absorb your journey and try and hold it in my mind, wondering about you and what this week has been like…..something has to be made of what we go through. We certainly get to know ourselves differently through extreme experiences and only make some sense of ourselves and those experiences as we go through them. It requires the capacity to go within, but that too is exhausting. Thinking about this…..one also needs those valuable moments to just listen to the rain, to rest and to be in the beauty of nature. Wishing you quiet healing moments this week. Much love, 🌸💕 Val.

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    1. I hope you had a lovely day there Val! Thank you for taking the time to read. I believe in living simply and staying in each moment and finding time to meditate, clear your mind and connect and say thank you for it all. Getting to know yourself differently through extreme experiences is definitely something I identify with, but somehow, if you’re not too absorbed in all the external nonsense, there is a beautiful window of opportunity to go within, with very little effort and connect to the inner truth of your life and establish a deeper connection to self. I wish YOU quiet healing moments this week too 🤗 Lots of love xxx

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  4. Taryn, we touched sides briefly during the Annie production in Cape Town when my daughter Georgia worked with you as ‘Pepper’, but I am following your journey with interest and am so inspired by your blogs. My mum and one of my best friends have gone through a breast cancer journey and my husband was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma when Georgia was just a year old. Like you, the one thing they all have in common is their immense capacity to see the glass as half full and, at low points, at least recognise its ability to be refilled!!! A cancer diagnosis is frikkin’ scary, let’s not beat about the bush, but it’s also a wake up call and a life changing experience for the better. I wish you more up times than down times along this journey and look forward to reading your next blog.

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    1. Hi Linda.. it was brief, but I remember. Please send Georgia my love and I hope your husband, mum and best friend are all in good health and high spirits!! Thank you for supporting my blog. Much love to you all xxxx

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