I can’t say I’m in the most inspiring space and perhaps my writing will reflect the same, but as is normally the case with me, I’m determined to carry on regardless so I won’t apologize or throw myself a pity party in the corner of the room.
It is what it is and I’m still smiling.
Since my first surgery on the 18th of October last year to the second on the 12th of December to now, there is a slight monotony to my life that I have accepted and cooperated with because I understand that this phase of my life is ultimately about healing and in order to heal, you need to allow things to happen without trying to force an outcome. Otherwise you may miss some important steps in the healing process or even regress and cause your body a disharmony if you insist that it happens in your time. Acceptance is key!
I’ve no doubt that the viral infection set me back a little and the lack of sleep certainly made things more challenging in terms of fighting it off. One thing I’m hugely grateful for is that since I had my third chemo treatment all I’ve wanted to do is sleep and nothing has stood in my way. I have slept and slept and it has been glorious 🙂
I decided to be alone for my third treatment. Sivan and Sophie offered to come and sit with me, but I actually wasn’t feeling like I wanted the company at all. The day felt a little heavier, as it was the first time I would have chemo and the Herceptin injection together on the same day and because both have side effects, I suppose it’s normal to wonder how you’ll manage. I sat by the window in the Infusion Suite which has a lovely view, unpacked my iPad and a few other things I’d need and waited for the nurse to come around and start the usual routine. We began with the Herceptin injection. Good to get that out the way.
Things unfolded rather slowly from there, but I was already stuck into the movie I’d started watching on Netflix, so besides having to break away from that to wet my hair for the cold cap, I hardly looked up and didn’t even notice that the chemo had already started to drip into my system. Tea and a sandwich came around and I carried on watching ‘The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind’ which was recommended by Fortune, who works at the Costa Coffee at the hospital. He’s also from Zimbabwe and we have struck up a lovely friendship over the last few weeks. I sometimes go in for my decaf flat white with coconut milk after my treatment and we have a quick catch up.
The film is directed and written by Chiwetel Ejiofor and he also plays Trywell Kamkwamba. It’s based on a true story and is a film I’d highly recommend.
I was actually lucky enough to meet Chiwetel a few years ago when I was singing at a jazz club called Katzy’s. I was on a break and went for a walk to the hotel and bumped into a well known SA actor accompanied by Chiwetel. I’ve never forgotten his face. Anyway I digress.
If chemo and Herceptin happened that day, I was hardly aware of it. I was completely absorbed in other things. I was actually quite grateful to have recovered from the virus so I could jump back into the treatment and not delay it any further. I’m sure most patients feel like they just want to get on with it and not have any setbacks. I certainly feel that way! I packed up, thanked the nurses and then went to say hello to Fortune. I told him how much I appreciated his film recommendation and left with my decaf cappuccino (he’s been trying to convert me.)
So, Chemosabe Three, no trips to the A&E this weekend. No extreme temperatures or long frustrating nights feeling out of sorts and worried about Sepsis. All that was on the menu for this weekend was hours and hours of long overdue sleep and deliciously good food, thanks to Jen and Jono’s wonderful cooking. I can’t thank them enough for their kindness!!
I feel like I’m in a very quiet, neutral space with no pressures or demands. It feels like I’m working through something important, but I’m not going to spend too much time thinking about it. Think I’ll just listen to the rain and go back to sleep…